How are you doing with getting your daughter to talk to you?
I mean…
Does she naturally come to you with what’s on her heart?
With what’s happening at school? Or with who sent that risqué Snapchat last night?
Or does it more feel like… trying to get a closed clam to talk to you.
You’re getting nada.
A mama in our community, Carrie, wrote to me last month. Her 13-year-old daughter has started calling her “controlling” and is newly spending all of her time in her room (or it feels like that to Carrie least). Carrie wrote me that she’s starting to feel like a failed mom.
And I knew we had to nip that one in the bud! You see, Carrie isn’t the only one who’s written to me with this question. It’s on the hearts of so many of my coaching clients these days. It’s in the letters I get from moms every week.
So I called in my ace. My own kick-ass daughter, Eliza! She’s the genius who inspired me to start Mothering & Daughtering. She walks into a room and teen girls sit up and listen — and more importantly they choose to show up to their relationships and start talking! So I brought her on for this epic interview, so that she can wise talk us mamas at the start of the new year. You ready? It’s so good.
Click the video below to watch.
You might not be super struggling with getting your daughter to talk with you? Awesome. Eliza gives such big re-frames on the mother-daughter relationship that I want to nudge you to watch it anyways: this episode is such a rich opportunity to go even deeper.
Once you’ve gotten a chance to check out the video, leave a comment below —
“Which of Eliza’s action steps spoke to you most? And how can you implement it this week?”
— because collective wisdom rocks,
and we want to hear your take.
We need each other.
Love,
Sil
P.S. Share this video with a mama who wants to get talking with her daughter. Because sharing is caring, and everyone could use a stronger bond.
Wow – thank you so much! A couple of things that especially grabbed me:
1. Step 1. I feel like I cross this boundary too often. Maybe it’s a combination of me being the only adult in the house and my desire to model emotional honesty. I appreciate the reminder to focus here!
2. Not taking no for answer on the one on one time. I needed this reminder! I don’t hold fast because it’s so much easier not to and because sometimes I too want to curl up with my book or a movie or whatever but I know how lovely it turns out when I do insist.
3. I’m inspired to think more deeply about language of connection and approach that with more intentionality.
Thanks again Sil and Eliza. 🙂
Beautiful insights Jeanne! Thank you for your comments. We moms often don’t hold fast because it’s so much easier in the moment… except it will always be so much harder in the long run. We learn this through trial and error an master our mothering game. Way to go Jeanne! Love from Sil and Eliza
Great tips, Eliza!
Thank you so much, Love Eliza!
I just watched this video with my husband and son because they have been getting into the same argument lately. We all found it so helpful, even though we had to make some assumptions for a 21 year old boy and his dad.
Wow Aviva! That is SO cool that your family is applying it to all your relationships! Sending love.
Such a helpful video! I got so much practical insight from this, as well as a lot of inspiration for what’s possible in this ever-evolving relationship with my daughter. We’ve already made such strides in large part from applying ideas I learned from the two of you, and this really hit a new note with some great tools to help me continue on the journey ahead. I was so touched by that scene Eliza shared about being alone in her room and wanting so badly to connect with her mom and not knowing how. It really hit a deep chord for me, helping me feel greater compassion for my daughter, all these teenage girls, including the one in me that also very much had the same experience. Fantastic stuff in this video. Thank you both for this great work you do!!
You are so welcome Megan!! Thank you so much for your beautiful feedback. It means so much to us that the video hit a deep chord for you and helped you to feel an even greater compassion for your daughter. Sending love your way.
This was great Ladies!! Thank you for the wonderful insight. My girls are grown, but this is such valuable information and clear and freeing perspective, I will share this with them and have already forwarded it to other younger mothers I know.
Beautiful!
Thank you so much Kim!! We are very touched by your feedback
This was so valuable! I’m going to implement and be persistent if I have to to spend the one on one time together. Thank you!
Hooray! Eliza and I love hearing this from you. Persistence is the name of the game. Go Mama Bear. xo Sil
The comments that hit me were the different languages of love. That my daughter and I were missing each other’s cues due to differing styles of showing and receiving love. WOW! I love your advice- it is so down to earth and real! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I thought I was going crazy and I felt so alone before I stumbled onto your videos with Sil. You guys are a lifesaver!
Dear Sherry-Ann! I am thrilled you stumbled on our videos. We love hearing your feedback. Welcome to the Mothering & Daughtering tribe! xo Sil
THANKS !!!!!
You are SO WELCOME Cindy! xo Sil
Great video. I too have been struggling to connect with my daughter for about a year and hearing the letter from another mamma having a similar experience and hearing from Eliza that this is an area where many mothers and daughters are struggling really helped me to feel less alone. It is overwhelming and, as you so rightly said Eliza, elicits grief. I have felt such a level of grief at the loss of my connection to the once little girl as my daughter is moving into her teen years. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, cant wait to try the steps!
I am so glad to hear that this video was helpful, Nikki! You are so welcome, from the bottom of our hearts. Let us know how it goes with the practicing of the steps! xo Sil
This is the first. of your videos that I’ve watched and, wow, thank you for this offering. I have 3 daughters aged 10, 8.5 and 4.5 and it’s so great to have these tools before going into this phase of their lives. I’m going to watch it again and take notes! And I’m going to suggest that my husband watches it too. The other thing that I wanted to say and the thing that probably struck me the most is the look of pure love on your face Sil when you’re listening to and watching Eliza, it really touched my heart as a fellow Mama.
Hello Samantha,
I am thrilled to hear all of this. Thank you for sharing and touching my heart! Your daughters are fortunate to have such an attuned mama! xo Sil (& Eliza)