It’s a paradox. How do we stay connected with our teen daughter, and yet give her space?
She blows hot and cold. One moment we’re the dorkiest, weirdest mom on the earth and she’s shying away from us at the grocery store (What? A good dancing song came on!). Later that night she wants to snuggle up after dinner and talk about her friend Marlie (and yes, she wants your advice, but only if given gently… otherwise you know she’s gonna shut down — ‘mom, you just don’t get it’ — and leave the room.) Walking on eggshells much?
Sometimes over here at Mothering & Daughtering we call it ‘mothering as a martial arts dance’ because yes, it’s more like a dance than a set of rules. You learn the steps, you master the art form, and then you improvise to whatever today’s tune is (as played by the ups and down of your teen).
Today we’re talking about how to give her space and yet stay connected at the same time — because that’s the thing: her having more time to herself, and you having more time to yourself doesn’t mean you’re less close as a mother-daughter pair, it can actually mean the opposite.Your preteen or teen daughter needs you more involved, not less, even and especially if she doesn’t have the right words or know to ask for it. Your spaciousness and your closeness can co-exist.
Click the video below to watch.
Once you’ve gotten a chance to check out the video, leave a comment below — because collective wisdom rocks, and we want to hear your take. We need each other, mama.
Sil & Eliza