On the Go Answers from the Ultimate Mother-Daughter Coach

It’s Not Your Money

Dear Sister of the Heart,

What if your money is not your money?

I have been sitting with this revelatory question these past few weeks. I’ve been reading Tosha Silver’s new book It’s Not Your Money: How To Live Fully From Divine Abundance.

And it has brought up other revelatory questions for me.

What if Mothering & Daughtering is not my business?

And what if my daughter is not my daughter?

Stay with me here. I promise you that this will make sense in a minute.

I remember learning in elementary school that Native Americans lived off the land and they viewed land as something to be used communally by all the members of the tribe. Even at a young age, I was intrigued by this concept and never forgot it. The budding environmentalist in me loved learning that to them there was no idea or concept that land was something to be divided up, sold and owned by individuals. I grew up in the country and when I walked the fields around my home there were No Trespassing signs everywhere. I remember it not making sense to me. Was I going to get in trouble if I walked onto a neighbor’s property? It seemed odd that the little patch-of-grass that I was standing on was owned by my family, and the one right next to it, was owned by their family. At the age of 9, I was already pretty sure that God didn’t see it that way

Native Americans’ relationship to the land is their relationship to what they call the Great Spirit. Their Great Spirit provides abundantly through the seasons. Of course there are scarce times as there always are in nature, but most indigenous people have a trusting relationship to an abundant universe through their spiritual relationship to and trust of the land and the seasons.

The way I see it, Silver is suggesting that we can have a spiritual relationship to money (faith that there will be enough money to provide for our true needs) that is as solid as a Native American’s spiritual relationship to the land and faith that the land will always provide.

Silver calls her Great Spirit “Divine Beloved”. Some call him God. My teacher Marion Woodman called her Sophia- or the feminine face of God. (Sophia is Greek for Wisdom.) In 12-Step programs he/she/it is called Higher Power.

Ok, I know that my money is my money. It’s in a bank account and the monthly statements have my name on them.

And I know that Mothering & Daughtering is my business. It says so on my tax returns.

And I do know that Eliza is my daughter.

But maybe on a spiritual level she is also the Great Mother’s daughter. Maybe Sophia (or Demeter, or Parvati or Mother Mary) is her mother first and foremost, and that I have been graced to be Eliza’s mama in human form. Maybe there is a greater feminine or maternal presence that gave birth to her soul and is looking out for her (and for me). If this greater maternal presence is helping me raise my daughter maybe I can consciously make that Presence a part of the village that is helping me raise her.

So along with the other wonderful humans who love and support Eliza, I have a Great Protector- the unconditionally-loving-presence-beyond-my-wildest-dreams-Mama-Bear-Goddess who I can lean on. And I have leaned on her almost daily as a mother. Sometimes I feel her in my heart, sometimes I feel her in my gut as I listen to my intuition, and sometimes she seems to talk to me and guide me through a sign or synchronistic event. Through the trials of motherhood, she has been a steady and reassuring presence for me, to the point of my not imagining doing it any other way. No doubt about it: Sophia has my back.

Consider this. You can pray for help when your daughter is being impossibly difficult. Maybe you can ask the Great Mother to be your container and mirror as you try to contain and mirror your daughter through a rough spot. Maybe you can ask Her to come through you when you are at a loss as to what to do next. Here’s one of my prayers: 

Sophia, please help me to raise this daughter of mine who you have so graciously given me in this life. It is hard for me to be patient and love her right now. Send me your love and patience so I can channel it and remain the steady, mature presence in her life. Please hold me as I hold her. Please help me to feel and receive your love and support right now. I give thanks to you and your enduring love.

I see it as a kind of serenity prayer for mothering a daughter.

I have had Tosha Silver’s wonderful book Change Me Prayers for several years now and I use her prayers regularly. When I have had a sleepless night or two because I have been up worried about cash flow (after investing savings into growing Mothering & Daughtering online), here’s a Tosha Silver prayer that has helped me ground back into a spiritual reality that calms my nervous system:

Change me, Divine Beloved, into one who fully trusts that all true needs are always met through your bounty. Let me surrender and allow You to be my Source for All. Let me breathe, relax, and let you lead. I am safe. I am peaceful. All needs will abundantly be met. I am Yours completely.

When I say this prayer, I may as well be climbing into the lap of the Great Mother. I fall asleep in my bed, but in some ways I have an experience of falling asleep in Her arms. Then I can return to that task at hand rejuvenated because I am deeply rested. And I have slept because I have released the burden of my work worries to a Higher Power.

As we raise our daughter we have to face deep uncertainty and challenges along the way. Sometimes it can feel as if we are carrying the weight of the world as we raise this precious soul who we are so responsible for. Why not call on Your Divine Beloved, whoever that may be, to take the weight of the world off your shoulders?

If I let myself trust in Her love and care of me, and Eliza, then I can mother my daughter with some degree of loving detachment. I do my very best as a perfectly imperfect human mother and then leave the rest up to Sophia.

Same with my work: I do my very best and then I can leave the rest up to Sophia. That’s when Mothering & Daughtering is no longer my business: I can be a conduit for Her Love in my work. Then sleep comes more easily at night, as I learn to trust that as I give freely, I too will be provided for.

That’s an ongoing challenge for me- to trust that I will be provided for. It’s an ongoing challenge for me to receive. In our culture, we women are taught to over-give and at the same time, we often feel unworthy of receiving. And this give/receive imbalance comes with the mothering territory. I see the following prayer of Silver’s like an antidote for this imbalance. It helps me radically change my perspective and move back into balance every time I read it.

Divine Beloved, Let me feel wildly open to receiving.

May I know my own value, beauty, and worthiness without question.

Let me allow others the supreme pleasure of giving to me.

May I feel worthy to receive in every possible way.

If you knew your own value, beauty and worthiness without question, how do you think it would impact your money flow and your capacity to receive? And how would your transformation impact your daughter?

What other revelatory questions (and answers) have come up for you from listening to this Love Letter? Share in the comments section below!

Love,
Sil

Hi, We’re Sil & Eliza!

The mother-daughter dynamic duo behind Mothering & Daughtering. We’re downright devoted to you thriving not just surviving with your daughter during the preteen, teen years and beyond.

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